Laughs, Serious Quotes, Jokes

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Very true Betty xx

A funny poem by Pete Seeger, well done!☺️

satisfactory

So cute , but so true !!

Teresa Sharon Claudia Gail

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My dad would haves slapped it off my head , and said- if you can't wear it right-take it off !!

Does the elevator go to the second floor . lol

And a lot of guys to wear pants!

I wonder where his brain is.....

Corey Hedien is that you?

" ha, ha you make me laugh " ??????

True???

?

Is he a Liberal or a Conservative, or is stupidity universal?

Scott Lundquist

My wife is going sky diving and I am terrified because the last time something that big hit the ground it killed all the dinosaurs . ... Zie meerZie minder

Smart phones, smart cars, smart televisions...
when are they going to start making smart people?
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In the future ! Way in the future !!!

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I f#cking well am pushing. This is all your fault, don't you ever come in me or even near me again or I will divorce you and take everything you ever loved, Sweetie!

fantastic

Cute

Lol

A MAN TRYING TO SET A PASSWORD.
****************************************************
WINDOWS: Please enter your new Password.

USER: cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.

USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character

USER:1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces

USER:50bloodyboiledcabbages
Windows: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character

USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively

USER:50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDon'tgiveMeAccessNow
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.

USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourArseIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow

WINDOWS:Sorry, that password is already in use......
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I can relate to that

???

So accurately portrayed ?

Right on

Hehehe

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I can see clearly now haha ?

powerful

LOL

Florita Sait

Todays World.
A father came in the bedroom to find his 14-year-old daughter smoking a cigarette. "My God! How long have you been smoking?" screams the father. "Since I lost my virginity," replies the girl. "You lost your VIRGINITY!!! When the hell did this happen?" shrieks the father. "I don't remember," says the girl. "I was completely drunk."
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Lol ?

delightful

Good one

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No never

I want some...…..money

PEOPLE ARE CRUEL!!!!!

U know this is for u

good

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Yes I can love you

After eating an entire bull, a lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept roaring until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral of the story: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ... Zie meerZie minder

 

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Tim Kristin Claudia Teresa Sharon

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Good one

Good one

excellent

Hahahabrilliant

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satisfactory

Lol

Cute lol

LMAO

Tim Claudia Teresa Sharon Gail

TOO FUNNY NOT TO PASS ON!!
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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These are great

????

Very funny?